he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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