hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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