My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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