if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
