Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
