bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
