I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
