Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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