I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
