Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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