I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dignity is for republicans.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
