If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
