she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
