I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
