i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
