Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
