There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
