I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Duck Duck Cougar?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've blown a few things in my day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
