Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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