I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
