So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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