I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize