what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Houston, we have a blender
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
