Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
