The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
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Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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