i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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