Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
