Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
