I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
