You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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