At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think i have herpe
just one?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize