Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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