He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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