Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Congratulations! We have a period
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
