just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
