the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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