I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
