by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize