Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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