Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize