Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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