I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
