did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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