So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
