I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
