Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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