if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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