the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
