My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Buhtt sex?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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