this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
