thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
