just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
