what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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