I can tuck mytits in my pants
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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