my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
