Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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