White coat. Heels.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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