She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize