Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
