we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
