he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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