oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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