Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
