Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
