She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
