I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
