i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
