You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
