I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
